BOILING MY BABY

Ok. Enough. This is just ridiculous. It’s like a million degrees in our house. It’s a million degrees everywhere. I’m usually the one that complains it’s cold. Well… I’ve never been so hot. I realize that the presence of a whole other little BODY might be making it even worse. It’s like having body heat everywhere you go, everywhere you are. Sounds cute, but it’s just not.

I can’t sleep. I have started lining the bed with ice packs and then lying on them just to try to fall asleep. I’m not kidding. It’s not extremely successful, but a nice try. Not only was I uncomfortable all night but when I woke up I swear I could not feel the baby move. I was sure I’d boiled him. I was tempted to grab my iPhone and google “at which temperature can amniotic fluid begin to boil...?”

I jumped out of bed and drank some cold orange juice and switched the melted ice packs for new ones and laid my belly on them until he started to move. Sorry, baby.

To make matters worse, we are moving in a bit over a week, so I have been packing most of the day on my days off. The entire place is a sauna. This is the game I’ve been playing: I pack a few boxes and then need to take a cold shower. That’s when I realize that all my appliances are conspiring against me. There’s a hotspiracy. The fans are blowing full blast, but all I feel is hot air being blown on my already sweating body. Then I jump in the shower and even the cold water is coming out lukewarm. It’s SO hot that even the cold water warmed up.

And I’m not the only one. Every time I open the fridge door, the cat jumps in. He jumps INTO the fridge on the bottom shelf. Then I have to pry him out. Some cats scratch to be let out. My cats are scratching to be let INto the refrigerator.

After a few rounds of this, I grew tired and got in my truck. Not because I really needed to GO anywhere, but because my truck has A/C. But then I did drive somewhere. I went to the bookstore. Again, not because I need another book, but it was the first air-conditioned place I could think of that has max A/C and where I am least likely to spend money. Oh, and they have free Wi-Fi.

Of course, when I walked in, I realized that everyone else if feeling the heat because there was no open places to sit. Thankfully I’m not shy and I asked some guy if I could share his little 2x2 foot table and sat down before he could say no. Not that I thought he wouldn’t say yes, but just in case.

So now I’m sitting here across from this guy with my laptop open against his laptop, both of them practically touching. And I am DYING to say to him: “You sank my battleship.”

But hey, I’m finally cool and the baby is kicking. He’s kicking frantically against my ribs. I’m sure it’s Morse Code for “Thank you lady, that was freakin hot.”



:p